Tricks and Pranks

Sitting around the dinner table this evening, we were discussing some of the better practical jokes and pranks in circulation around the department. Bill, who is a senior engineer and looks like Santa Claus - although the twinkle in the eye usually has a slightly sinister hint to it, has always been a master of the subtle prank. Once while golfing, he went on at length how a wheel cart for the clubs was so nice since the golf bag got heavy during a long hot day of carrying it around 18 holes. After a couple of hours and his continued mentioning how a cart was so nice, I was beginning to agree that the bag did get heavy. After another couple of holes, I really was getting rather tired of carrying the heavy bag. As I went to put a club away, I noticed that it did not properly go into the bag. After a bit of investigation, I discovered about 20 lbs of nice round stones in my bag. Apparently, he had been slowly adding a rock or two every time I turned my back on my bag.

On another occasion, there was a new guy on the department that had a very and methodical way of doing everything. He would spend hours researching the most mundane purchase and agonized over every detail of everything he did. He soon earned the nickname of "Fast Eddie" since you had to set stakes and measure to see if he was actually moving most of the time. Once Bill saw the opening, he rapidly developed and executed a most diabolical plan. Preying on Fast Eddie's attention to detail, he began adding very minute particles of a particularly aromatic blue cheese to Fast Eddie's footwear. After a few weeks of this, Fast Eddie was rapidly (for him) working his way through all the known home remedies. He tried foot powder. He tried odor eater insoles. He bought a foot bath and spent a lot of time soaking his feet. At this point, it was time for Bill to raise the stakes. Bill started carrying a small container of cheese with him at all times and even when not working at the same station, they could end up on the same scene. So while Fast Eddie was lugging some poor hurting soul to the ambulance, Bill would be putting just that perfect touch to the essence of awful odor on the steering wheel. So, Fast Eddie now had to explain to his partners that "he had a personal problem" because even though there was usually not enough for others to smell, Fast Eddie knew it was there. Next, Fast Eddie sought medical help for this on-going embarrassment and actually went to a doctor to try to get a solution for the horror that was seemingly following him around. The end of the story seems to have been lost in the dark recesses of the minds of those who love to spend the evening around the firehouse dinner table laughing until it hurts...

It was a Dark and Cold Night...

Last night we were dispatched to "man down" which is catch-all for anything weird related to people that are not moving or behaving in a proper manner. Usually, this is an intoxicated person that somehow failed to get out of sight before taking a nap. In this particular case, we were not exactly sure what to expect since the temperature was well below freezing and the average self-medicated drunk usually avoids napping on a sidewalk in that kind of weather. So, at about 10 PM we rolled out on the call to find a construction worker sitting in his pickup with the engine running. Since this was on a pan handle lot (driveway past one house near the street accessing a rear lot), we pulled into the drive and parked, proceeding on foot back to where the pickup truck was located. We found a DRT which in Paramedic terms means "dead right there". Apparently, he had finished work about 4-5 hours prior, went to the truck, and then had a heart attack or something of that nature. So after hours of sitting in the truck with the engine running, neighbors noticed the unusual behavior and initiated that ambiguous "man down" call.

As the neighbors gathered, along with the police doing their investigation, we took our cue from the freezing wind and tried to leave. At the point we opened the door to the fire engine, everything went dead. I mean, no lights, no engine, no starting, no nothing. So at this uncomfortable scene, we find ourselves stranded with the embarrassment of a dead engine.

To make a long story short, we spent the next two hours waiting in the cold for a tow truck to move our fire engine, and switching all of our gear to a reserve engine.